"Core Memory" by Charles K. Carter

In Mrs. Pruette’s class,

we wrote all year

to fellow third graders

in a neighboring district.

I was paired up with a popular kid

who was into dirt biking, tractors,

and touch football.

I wrote about fantasy books,

my newborn sister,

and how I broke my arm playing tag at recess.

But when a new kid moved in,

my pen pal got someone better,

to write to

in addition to me.

The new kid was tall with spiky hair and frosted tips.

He liked fishing and dodgeball.

At the end of the year,

we had a sack lunch picnic

at the city park

and my pen pal

looked at me suspiciously,

I thought you had a cast.

And, as always,

I explained myself away,

giving more details

than anyone ever asked for

or wanted,

hungry for attention,

always seeking external validation.

Oh okay, he said

and ran off with the new kid in my class,

leaving me to sit alone on the swing,

using my new white tennis shoes

to trace a sad face in the gravel.

Charles K. Carter is a queer poet who lives in Oregon. They are the author of The God of Loneliness (Rebel Satori Press), If the World Were a Quilt (Kelsay Books), and Read My Lips (David Robert Books) as well as several chapbooks. Carter can be found on Instagram @CKCpoetry.